love or hate?

well, to love or to hate, i only have a chance to choose between one of these.
once i love you and then i hate you,
life change so much after i love you, it become like a dream,
but life also change after you left, it made my hatred grow
once i believe that everything is possible if i love,
family, carrier, studies, marriage, and most important of all "life"
but the more i love, it just lead me to being dumped by you and left aside
so what exactly is love? or hate is actually more suitable for me?
fear and anger helps to avoid people coming close to me
at least by that i will never get hurt like you did to me?
my trust towards anyone had gone after you left
i mean, " why trust anyone when you know he or she is gonna betray you someday?"
well, at least i know you did
it is a hard decision to make, to live on through love or hate
i maybe born this way but to live on i must choose between one of these
feel sorry for her, but not you,
now you are having your life perfectly like nobody else care,
facing only common problem because i'm gone like forever,
but her, she is having problem worst than you, but still she cared for me.
i might be a piece of junk in this world, but at least this might be something i worth for
in the end, i might be alone to love or to hate,
but all still depends on my birthday that is coming soon.

don't believe, don't hope, don't trust?

Tears drop upon songs=')

Again it's me, feel like writing diary =)
I know miracle don't happen, you will never gonna see these that i written...
But it;'s ok =)
Tears drop when i hear this song, kept thinking of you Ms.B =)
The girl who can't break up and the guy who can't leave... Remember our promise?
No matter what happen, you will never break and i will never leave =)
Well i guess i"m the one who should keep this promise...
And i guess we will never even gonna be together again and miracle don't happen in my life=)

what should i do?

Well, its almost 4 months and more after you left me,
Kept telling myself, "LIFE GOES ON"
now there is this girl who treat me so good,
But i can't move on because of you,
You are still living in my heart....
every single piece of you, even it had break into pieces scattered on the floor...
i know, why am i writing this?
who cares right? i'm just nobody in your life anymore
i should probably F*** OFF and hide some where in the shadow
well, perhaps i'm am still living in that shadow
the shadow where you and i ever being happy.
So now, i still wondering, what should i do?
All i ever plan for my future is with you in it
carrier, family, life?
Do i really need it anymore?
HOPE MEANS NOTHING TO ME...
I SUCK KENNETH CHEONG, I REALLY SUCK IN EVERYTHING!!!
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Feeling so wrong for her, should i go on with this life or should i take courage to treat her better?
Ms. YX, sorry... Even you has a boyfie, i'm still sticking around with you...
I really shouldn't do that... But you really treat me very good...

just something i wanted to tell you =)

How are you?
I sincerely hope that you are fine =)
After you left me, things really got worst, life, studies, everything...
It all just gone worst.
Without you ,i'm just like a bird without wings
A guy without hope and have no direction or future.
A guy who can't protect the one he loves.
Sounds stupid right but it's the fact
Maybe you are having your life happily and without worries
Maybe you meet another guy that treat you better and have different characteristics like me
Maybe leaving me is the best choice in your whole life
But meeting you knowing you is something i must treasure in my life
Once i lost hope, and you gave me hope =)
And loving you maybe a foolish decision to the others,
But it make me happy, no, you made me happy
Every single moment with you,
I'm just a guy who don't deserve you,
It is true that you deserve better than me being this negative and so on...
But to me, my promise towards you, i should keep it to my heart
I love you and that's a fact,
I tried to face the fact, and my heart just telling me that no matter you leave or meet a guy or even get marry,
I should wait you, even until the time has come to meet the grave
But why i am writing this is just to say
' BEANNA GAN LI, HAVING YOU IN MY LIFE MADE MY LIFE PERFECT, I'M SORRY I AM THIS SUCK, FAILURE AND NEGATIVE MAN THAT DO NOT DESERVE YOU,
but, I REALLY MISS YOUR KISS, MISS YOUR HUG, MISS YOUR VOICES, AND MOSTLY.....
I MISS YOU..."


Baby, i miss you =)